Tell me how am i supposed to survive

When they were upset, i refrain from mentioning anything about my sad sad story.
When they were upset, i accompanied them.
When they were upset, i refused to be sad.
When they were upset, i tried to cheer them up.
When they were upset, i listened to their stories.
When they were upset, i plan an outing just to make their day.
When they were upset, i gave them the motivation to move on.
When they were upset, i gave them the support that they need.
When they were upset, i gave them the strength thay they need.
When they were upset, i would be sad too even when i am feeling so happy.
When they were upset, i get excited for them each time they wanna do something sweet.
When they were upset, i reminded myself to smile widely even when i was at my lowest.
When they were upset, i tried to cheer them up even when i was feeling just the same.
When they were upset, i feel i'm obliged to be there for them, making them happy and make sure everything will be fine.

It has always been me.
Me, who tried to be the nicest girlfriend anyone could ever ask for.
Me, who tried every single force to cheer them up and be their strength to move on.
Always me.
Now that i'm going through that phase, how come there's no one to hold me through?
I'm not asking for something in return but just for them to understand the situation i'm in. Is it too much of a favour?

This may sound ridiculous but I've been too strong for them.
I didn't show how much i'm suffering deep inside.
I didn't show how hard it was for me to move on.
I didn't show how hard it was for me to put on a smile even a fake one.
I didn't show how hard it was for me to keep a strong front for them.
Haven't i done enough?

What were you thinking? What made you think that I was just fine? What made you think that I am very happy, very content with what I have? What made you think all that you are thinking? Don't you even feel for me?

To think that we've been very close all these while.

Bb, where are you? At this point where i need you the most, where are you? Where are you when you said you will be there for me no matter what our rship now is? Where are you when you said we could be close no matter what happened between us? Where are you?? Where are you??

It's just one dissapointment after another. Where do i go now?