Killing nightmare

18th July 2008, it was near to midnight.
That's when the news that i expected came.

It came too soon, not as i expected it to be.
I didnt have the time to prepare for everything.
I could barely react to the news.
How could i ever react?
How should i ever react?

I wanted to breakdown but i couldn't even shed a drop of tear.
I badly needed to cry cos at least it would make me feel better.. but sadly, i failed.

It's true what people said.
When you are at your lowest point of your life, there is only one thing in mind.
& that is to end everything.
I don't know what made me decide that.

All i knew was, I felt alone with no other soul to comfort and assure me that this is just another test, that things will be fine..
and that everything will end soon.

How could it come this fast?

I could hear nothing except my breath.
I was breathing out loud.
My heart was chasing my breath.
I tried to catch my breath which seems so far away.

I looked down and realized all I could see was tiny cars and roads.
Everything seemed to be at a distant.
I just wanted to be down there like in a matter of seconds.
I wanted to end everything. Fast.
I looked at the sky which seems so near me. I know this will be the last time I’ll be seeing one of the most beautiful things HE created.

I closed my eyes with my muscles tensed.
I could feel the metal railing piercing through my skin.
I took a deep, deep breath.
Suddenly, my mom’s face started to appear so clearly.
“I’m sorry mother. I’m sorry bapak. I can’t face it anymore.”
I loosen up my muscles, all ready to go.

Suddenly, my hands felt like it was going to break any moment.
I turned to see a pair of eyes staring deep into mine.
I just wanted to run away.

Dear Aizat,
you're one kind soul to ever save me from all the shits. A stranger who knows nothing about me but cares a lot for someone's life. I don't know what i was thinking to make me resort to that. When you slowly explained to me the things all set for me, i finally came down on my knees, crying. I was relieved that i could finally cry like usual. At the same time, I felt rather stupid to even notice everything that was standing before me. Really stupid. I wanna thank you for all the encouraging words and the stern look you gave. It has really made me see everything from a different point of view. I really wish this won't last because i've been trying to remind myself of the things you said to me. Thank you for the time you spent on me despite having so much errands to run. You will always be in my heart and prayer. Keep in touch okay? =)