running through my mind

I'm terribly dissapointed the happiness that I achieved was only for a short period of time. No, it was never happy to begin with.

Before it even started, I already got a bag full of lies, vulgarities, scoldings and cursings all lined up before me. Knowing me, I didn't know how to even react so I told myself to just ignore it cos someday, all that will come to a stop. I know you tried to do something bout it but it wasn't effective enough.

Later, we grew closer and what did i get? Even more of that cursings, vulgarities, scoldings and unfortunately, more lies from you. Tsk! How sad. But then I know, patience is the answer to everything. Though at times, I couldn't control it anymore, I would just vent my anger on you and others. But i know, most of the times, I would just swallow whatever painful thing that took place.

I tried to be the best and did all I could to make you the happiest person ever. I even heed the advices of someone close to you cos I know advices are meant to make things better. But obviously, I failed. You were forever thinking of that other party though you said you are so over it. I know, all that was a lie. I told myself to give you more time cos I know it's really hard to get over it .. but then, you took all the time in the world and thus, forgetting the face that I am still here, hopelessly waiting.

I know you lied to me about a lot of things cos you fear that I would get hurt. But boy you hurt me more by doing that. You thought distance could keep all information and secrets away from me but then again, you were wrong. Whatever that you lied and kept from me, I knew it instantly. I just pretended i didn't know anything cos I thought you won't repeat it again.

Sometimes, you amaze me by your understanding in simple words that I try to convey to you. &what amaze me most was that you could just turn whatever I said to something really bad and made it seem like you are in the losing end.

I know the people around us are forever trying to make it better for us but then, there's always some people who are envious. Like i once said to you, no point if one person is trying to keep the fire burning if the other party is trying to keep it off.

Comes a point where I felt so guilty for making you forget the other party, I gave up. I know i shouldn't torture you even more cos I know, things won't work the way i want it to be. So that's where things happened and now, it's over ..

I'm really dissapointed in you, boy. I know you are an ignorant but i didn't know you are THAT ignorant. I know i want us to move on but i didn't expect you to move on that fast. I'm sorry to say this but you are just the same like the rest. You are laughing now cos you know how miserable my situation is now. Laugh, laugh all you want.


I am aware that people on your side are all laughing at me cos once again, I failed. I failed to realise that things wouldn't work out for us but i insisted on it. I failed to realise that they know you more than I do. I failed to realise that I won't get my happiness from what I did.

Part of me is happy that everything is over now. But part of me is upset that the bitter memories stays with me and damn, it's killing me softly. I just hope everything is fine on your side and everything that you ever wished for, will come true. Thankfully, there's still the frens like fathin and rudy to make my day. And thanks to rudy, he made this whole thing sound so easy with all the lessons learnt. WTH! hehe.

Boy ..
I thank you for all the presents you have bought me.
I thank you for all the surprises you made for me.
I thank you for all the places you have brought me to.
I thank you for all the sweet talks you said to me.
I thank you for all the 'happiness' you gave me.
I thank you for all the arguments and fights we had which evolve only the other party.
I thank you for the encouragements and inspirational words.
I thank you for making me realise that the outside world is really harsh.

I really really really thank you for making me stronger.