m0ve on..?

I'm at loss of what to do.
I thought things are done between him and me.
I thought I've moved on.
I thought I'm done with the past memories.
I thought...

I've always consult three people whenever I'm in doubt and whenever I have problems.
No, that doesn't mean I don't look for them when I'm happy.
I know that's so wrong.
I tell them everything.
I get so clear with them.
They are bebeh, khaii and sayang.
I talked to bebeh on the phone last few days.
I just felt like crying but I know I gotta be strong.
I didn't want her to know that I'm still weak.

Bebeh said I shouldn't be hoping too much from him.
Shouldn't hope at all, in fact.
Cos he's so over me and he's totally in love with another girl now.
Bebeh also said that it's okay if I still wish to contact him.
For sure..i have to treat him the same way I treat the other guy frens.
I should be grateful that he contacted me back.

A few days agoo, I msged khaii.
He said exactly the same thing as what bebeh said.
He made it so clear that I shouldn't be hoping anymore.
This time, I could sense that he is so firm with his stand.
I know that he wants me to be out of this silly problem.

On that very same day, I called sayang cos she said she had some important things to tell me.
I told her bout what happened and she kept quiet for a moment.
I know she feels for me.
Why?
Cos she's going through the same thing.
Same situation but with different people.

I understand what bebeh and most people are trying to tell me.
I know everything.
It's just that this heart of mine is way too stubborn.
This heart of mine don't even bother if it's hurting the soul at all.

I did some thinking while I was on the way to school.
Is it wrong to love someone who doesn't love you anymore?
No.
Am I so used to him being near me that I need him even when we have broke up?
No, we broke up 9 mths ago. I've got used to being single but..i love and need him.
Is it wrong to hope for someone you love?
No.
Must I still hope for him when I know he loves another girl?
No.
Must I still hope for him when for sure, he doesn't even bother bout me?
No.

I know I shouldn't be thinking too much of this thing.
It will harm me, somehow.
I won't force u to love me like u used to.
I won't tell khaii my feelings anymore.
No, no.
I know I can't do that cos I need him as much as I need bebeh.
I'm content that I still have my bestest buds; bebeh, khaii and sayang.
They are the ones whom keep me going.

I can accept that u're out of my life.
I'm glad that you were mine, once.
Thank you for everything.
=)