The lowest point

Just what is wrong with my fate? Is there really something wrong with me or have I offended someone so bad?

Seven bloody months and I am still unemployed. Couldn't get even worse than this. Let's not blame the recession for my current state because I believe there are lots of jobs wanting to be filled up. But the freaking problem is, each time I go for an interview, I do not get a return call. That includes part time or even retail! As quoted by Naqiah a few months back, "aku dah kering tahap drought." I can guarantee, mine is far more worst than that. And knowing the fact that both my brothers are getting married in a couple of months, it just makes me even more desperate for a job. Cos when they are hitched, the responsibilities are passed down to me since both my parents are too old to get a job. And with me not able to at least get a proper job, I do not know how I can survive much longer.

It is very much obvious I hate the life I am living right now. I hate it when others tell me to be patient because seven months without any pay would have prove my patience. Right, I know patience is virtue. But can patience help me in supporting my family? Obviously no. I hate it even more when I know my friends are working. (and stop saying you need a break from work)It is sure very pressurising.

Whinning won't get me a job. Crying won't solve it either. The only solution to this is to continue searching for a job which I swear is killing me softly. I have sent thousands or even millions of resume but no response at all.

Sometimes I wonder if thisis a curse from someone or a punishment for the sins I have done. If it is the latter, then I have to accept it but if it's the former, I wouldn't forgive that person ever and I swear that he/she will have a terrible life ahead. Ya, I am that evil after what I have been through.

And after all that I have been through for the past months, now I dare to say, "I leave it all to God. Because I've tried my very best. So now let's just follow the flow."

Then there's one more problem. I have done what I need to. I have cut down on the amount of food to consume. I started consuming only healthy food I even starved myself while others are enjoying their break fast. But still, I am getting berisi as quoted by almost everyone. Sometimes, I choose to ignore their remarks but the damn jeans choose to upset me more. I have left a big hole on two of my jeans in a period of two week.

I am so bloody upset with my life right now. Okay, that was second time saying that in this post.

But I still believe that Allah will not test someone beyond our limits and capabilities.