No boyfriends, No guy friends, No dating= Cannot marry

Mother: Mak tak nak ija ader matair eh. Mak kasi gi skolah bukan utk ader matair. Kalau nak ader matair, tk yah gi skolah. [I don't want you to have boryfriends. I let you go school not to look for boyfriends. If you want to have boyfriends, don't think of going to school.]
Me: Huh? Asal tibe2 cakap sal matair pulak? [Huh? Why all of a sudden the topic is boyfriend?]
Mother: Mak tknk ija keluar ngn maner2 lelaki eh. Tk bole gi BBQ ngn chalet lagik. [I don't want you to go out with guys. No more BBQ and chalet anymore.]
Me: Err, okayy. Balik skolah, ija terus balik rumah. Kalau ader CCA pun ija tk pergi. Kalau lelaki bebual pun ija diam jer. Okay? [Err, okayy. I'll go staright home after school. If there's CCA, i'll not go. I'll not give a reply if a guy talks to me.]
Mother: Mak cakap sikit jer nak marah2. [I'm merely telling you and you get so worked up.]

DAMN! N i cried because of that. That's the same thing she said when i went to primary and secondary school. I'm not allowed to befriend with guys. I'm not allowed to talk to guy on the phone. I got so afraid to talk to boys when i started primary school. However, when i reached primary 3, i realised, i have only a few friends. I started talking to boys like tarmimi, zia and the rest. When i saw them outside of school, i don't dare to even say hi to them. I'm scared mother will spy on me. Hah. N guess what? I don't dare bring guy friends to my house during Hari Raya.

Starting of primary 4, the malays started to spread rumours of me and tarmimi, saying that we are a couple. N not only the whole level knows about it, some of the parents knew bout it too. I was so scared that mother will know bout it too. Mother finally knew bout it and surprisingly, she just smiled. Why? Cos she know it's not true. Moreover, she knew tarmimi and his mother. Phew!

Primary 6, i had a relationship with a guy from a different class. Faisal created a website for NAPS students to vote for the 'POPULAR' couples in our school n i was ranked the first. I remembered ming fong, telling her father bout it. Mother heard bout it and asked me. I just had to lie. After a few months, she saw me with khairul and told us to go on separate ways but we didn't. One fine day, two police officers came to my house and interrogated me. They knew i was friends with shahrul and hisyam and so they suspected me doing some criminal acts at blk 30. WTH. Because of that, mother got angry and became more strict. She made her rules more tight.

I went to secondary school and mother reminded me the same thing again. I didn't dare to make new guy friends but just to be friends with the old friends from NAPS. N because of that, everyone in the school thought i was being proud. I was left out by the seniors and they will pretend they didn't see me when i walked past them. I got so irritated by that and tried to make friends. However, i still didn't give any one of them my contact numbers. I don't dare call the guys when i have problems with my hw. But of course, i talked to some guys on the phone, secretly without mother knowing bout it.

N here i am now, starting my life in poly. Mother's reminding me the same thing again. I got angry this time cos i want to have freedom too. I can't possibly be talking to girls only. I need her to know that i have guy friends too. She said i've been telling her lies cos i always go out with guy friends. I've been trying to tell her the truth but she won't listen to me. She won't let me explain that i have guy friends but they are just FRIENDS, not more than that. I need her to open her mind. She thinks that guy friends are always boyfriends. I need her to change her mindset! Change mother, change! I cried because i was thinking, "i can't have any guy friends. how am i supposed to have boyfriends? That means i won't get married?"

It's true per. She don't allow me to have guy friends till i started working. No guy friends means no boyfriends. No boyfriends means i can't marry. She don't expect me to marry a girl, right? What if i've started work and have boyfriends but she chooses my boyfriend for me? What if she doesn't choose but there's no guy who will like me? Ahh! That means i won't marry? That also means i will be single forever? Oh no~! I got jealous when i see my friends' mothers don't get angry knowing them having boyfriends. I felt like i'm in some different world.

Mother, don't worry. I won't have any boyfriends. I'm not interested in finding one, too, for now. This doesn't mean i'm attracted to the same gender ehh. I just think it's not the time yet. I'm happy with my single life but please.. allow me to have guy friends. I don't wanna lie to you anymore. I want you to know that i have guy friends.

I can't stop crying. It's been really a long time since i cried. The last time was... when i broke up with him. Speaking of him, hope ur life is getting fine now cos I've not stop praying for u. =)

I still remember my friend, good friend, asking me;
Friend: I want to look for boyfriend. Do you?
Me: Nope.
Friend: Wah. Don't want? Why?
Me: I'm afraid and besides, i want to study first lah. Don't have the feeling that i should be looking for one now.

I'm surprised too. I used to get excited talking bout bfs. I've not been thinking bout bf since i broke up with him. Not because i still think of him but he made me think the things that i've not been thinking since i have guy friends. Thanks to him! I know, because i don't sound interested in looking for bf, i always got left out whenever my cousins and friends talk bout them. WHY? Cos whenever they talk bout bf, i feel bored. I just need them to change the subjects. Why? Cos i have nothing to talk bout it. I have no storied to share and that is a sad thing. =((