Professional help, anyone?

The whole of last week was horrible in sense of emotion and the situation. All my life, I have never ever felt very angry, pissed, jealous, vengeful and all that negative feelings at the same time. I felt like strangling myself, I felt like putting poison in everyone’s drink, I wished the worst for all of us and tsk, it was very cruel. The situation was very hard to handle and I hated myself so much. I really don’t know how I ended that way but it was really disgusting, just awful. Whatever symptoms and descriptions they have for major depression disorder, I had all that. For once I wasn’t kidding when I mentioned visiting a specialist. I thought I really need that, no joke.

Loss. Lonely. Empty. Fear.

Nonetheless, something inside me keeps reminding me that I should pull through at least until the end of the week before proceeding to see psychotherapist/psychiatrists. I should count myself lucky because on Friday before meeting my usual cliques for our dear friend’s birthday celebration, I managed to do a miracle to myself and bring myself back to the real world, reality. Besides, if we don’t help ourselves, who would right? It was a close shave to backing out the whole plan because I was afraid I would spoil the whole celebration but I guess I didn’t because everyone was still commenting about my laughter, which was a good start to the good old, me.

Thank god it is over. I wouldn’t wanna face that again. EVER.