Just a personal video.

It's been very long since I last decorate my entries with photos kan. I tau all of you think my enteries are very boringgg.... So today i put photos okay to make my entry which is by nature very boring and tk exciting langsung, very colourful.


I can't remember when was this but if i recall correctly, it was on a weekend. Since Acoi was there, it means he's not working and the days he's not working will only be weekends. So, weekends la tu kann.


We had some mini video shoot where it didn't really involve everyone cos it was just small scene. So we had lina, acoi, kamal and myself. I looked at the news and it says that it will rain anytime so we hurried our scenes just so we won't be caught in the rain. &by the time my scene ends, the rain comes pitter pattering on the grass. CHEY merepek!


Oh yes, I would say that we got lucky. We as in Anoi, Jaja and myself. From being a backstage crews for some photoshoot, we managed to get ourselves at least a short scene IN FRONT of the camera for the video shoot. So we dah naek pangkattt ahhh!





Comparing ourselves from the start till now, I would say that we have improved tremendously. We have improved as a group and also individually. Jaja and Siti are now more confident and dah tk shy in front of the camera while Anoi, Lina and myself have widen our minds and have great ideas on how things should work. As for the guys, they are seriously doing a great job. Even I was impressed by the scene they made the other day. Congrats okayyy! Yay yay!


So after we were done with the shooting that day, we had so much time to spare so we walked around to find some locations. &we found it!



By the time we found this place, it was raining non stop hits ahh so we had to find a shelter and a place to fill our empty stomach so ended up .... HERE!



Where we stoppped by to watch the fashion show that was held there..

& i also feeling2 nak put bubbles in my next scene of location cos i know it will look goodddd. HEHE!




AHHHH! I'm sure it will look greeattt and i'm so excited for it.

Oh yes, the videos are just for some personal matters and would not be shown to anyone unless requested. Heh!


So there goes my fail attempt of making and interesting entry which clearly says i failed la kan. Takper2, yg penting i know i've done my part. And before everyone chops my head long2 (inside joke!), i better go mandi, siap and kemas my bag because i am already late. But then, i slalu early perrr so they should be lenient with me if i dtg lmbt sekali sekala. Heh heh heh.

Every now and then.

This blog's really collecting dust. Heh!

I know i should be updating this blog often since i'm still having my holidays and that means nothing else to do. But i'm really sorry cos the holiday means a whole lot more of work for me to complete. I've got so much to do; video shoot to be completed before May, gatherings with the friends, video request that I want to complete asap and the supp paper which just passed. All that has made me fall sick every now and then that bebeh can't stop figuring out the cause of it.

I was so sick that I thought of giving up for my supp paper as whatever I studied, couldn't be absorbed at all. But I was reminding myself how bad it will be if I were to repeat the module so I was psycho-ing my mind most of the time. Hours before the paper, I was close to fainting in the business canteen cos I couldn't stand the heat and dizziness. I was practically shaking and the tutor would be pissed when she sees my handwriting. I was soo sick that I was shivering in the super cold room and at the same time, perspiring like i've exercised earlier on.

By the time I handed the paper to the tutor, I was all relieved as I could swallow down the medicines that I need to take. &Bebeh was all worried seeing how difficult for me to talk and walk properly. (beb, don't mention abt the funny things I did or said. HAH!) I think i look like some drug addict. Lol!

Oh speaking of supp paper, it has been a smooth one for me and i really hope i can make it through so that i can start my new modules, major project and SIP smoothly as soon as the new semester start comes April. Sheeessshhh!

&i...i.... i better get going. Khai seriously wants me to rest (..drink more water and pee more? LOL)cos the temperature's running 42 degrees now...........!!!

Potong itu ketam!

The previous post has been deleted due to a simple reason that I find it silly. Totally silly.

Till then, tkcre lovely people! =)

Ice skating with puteraPUTERI

Shaz, i'm really sorry that i turned down the offer to work together with you. You know how i dislike working in F&B sector and what's more, starbucks?! Not a chance! Such a tedious work. Heh! But i guess you can work together with Syahidah and Fila at Harbourfront. Good luck okay! =)

Anyway, after the gathering we had about a week ago, the guys thought it would be great if we have another outing during the holidays so mighty ramizah had to plan and inform the rest of it.

I had no idea of where to make them go and the only thing that popped in my mind was ...... ICE SKATING !





&how come i look so different here? Urm, thin? Taller? IDK.

At first, some of them disagree with my idea cos some couldn't skate, some didn't want to waste money and some wanted to do other things but then .. we still end up skating anyway. =)

I was okay with skating cos the first skating 'lesson' i had was last year; a treat from faizal. He taught me all the basic steps and now, i'm a pro okay! HAHA! Takk laaaaa ... kidding jerrr.

So there were 9 of us; me fathin edel siti zur fadhil rudy fadzly faisal. Iffah and Nizam couldn't make it... Maybe they went for a date kotttt (maklomlaaaa, couple mahh) Haha!

It was the second time for Fathin, Rudy and myself.

It was the first time for Zur, Faisal, Fadzly, Fadhil and Siti.

It was the i-don't-know-how-many-times for Edel.



Since it was her first time, we had to guide her all the way. Since she has phobia of falling, we had to hold her hands most of the time. So for the whole 2 hours, there's always be someone to be by her side to assist her.

The couple at the back came all the way and said, "Korg mcm nga tayang pantat." HAHAHA!




After 2 hours of skating, falling and 'walking', we were all hungry. Perut dah maen lagu dongdang sayangggg sehhh! So we headed to Simpang to indulge....





K part niiiiiii exclusive. Aku sumpah terkejut tgk gmbr niiii. Hahahaha! Dyyy... no more wise ahhh. Tukar la okay, RudyMACHO. OK? LOL!

Stupid kenal2 thing.

I was on the way home today listening to the songs in my phone, thinking of the things that i should be doing, letting my mind rest for a while when a guy came and sat beside me. I was getting a bit uneasy and moved a little bit closer to the windows. Then, this guy saw and smiled at me. I knew he would start a conversation with me any moment and by the time i was done cursing the bus driver for driving so slow, he was already starting it! I swear my blood was flowing so fast that i could perspire like i've ran a 1000km race. I didn't wanna show him how scared i was to have him sitting beside me and starting that conversationg with me so i played along and gave me my most fakest smile ever and replied to whatever questions he asked. The common question from a stranger would be, "Are you a pakistani?" followed by a long pause and sharp stare from me. When he said,"nak kenal2 bole?" I was already at lost of what to do to make him stop so ... I stood up and moved to the front and find myself a comfortable sit beside an auntie. Phew!


Ok why am i even typing it here? Dammmmnnnn, don't tell me i still haven't get over that stupid incident. Why must it still haunt me? TELL ME!!!!!!

Rudy's brother wedding. When's mine?

Like i mentioned in my previous post, i would have a very busy tiring day on sunday. So where did i go to?


A wedding ceremony! No, not the normal one where you are invited to just enjoy the food, stare at the bride and groom, have a chat with almost everyone and then leave. It's totally not like that.




The 7 of us were invited to help out as kendarat! Only the 7 of us! &you wouldn't wanna know how tiring it was for the 7 of us and rudy (who ended up helping us) to do the kendarat jobs. Terrorrr kepe kiterr!!! HEHEHEHE.


By the time everything ended, al 8 of us looked so shagged but for the sake of camera, we managed to give our sweeetttteessst and cutest smile. LOL!


After which, we headed to tmart's mcdee to rest awhile and indulge in the ice cream. I swear the whole time we were there, everyone was so quiet and it was so weird cos all the 5 of us (the rest had something else to do) are all very kecoh people. I knew all of us were dead beat so i suggested that we head home and .... all they did was just stand and walk to the nearest busstop. HAHAHAHAH!

&babe, tell me ... why are your eyes like that? Tired ehhh? LOL!






IFFAH . MIZAHH . FATHIN . EDEL .

We didn't have the chance to pose with the bride and groom cos we were soooo busyyyy so .... with the dais also can la. Tk cerewet! =)

Deeejay!

On saturday, I was planning to stay at home the whole day cos I know i would have a long tiring day the following day. At noon, the cousin asked me to come over to the nearest block since he was dj-ing at a wedding. So .... i headed down to meet them for a fun-filled plus crazy day!






& we have to make sure that the song is perfectly fine before letting anyone sing their hearts out.

Fatimah Mohsen Wedding Gallery. Aku swear i fell in love with the chandelierrrr. Heh!


A group photo is a must!



& observe this photo and the next one carefully ..



Inspired by his pose, he made us pose it together with him. HAHAHAHA!

.... & thank you for treat abg karim! Walaupun tk semahal camera aku. LOL! But aku still appreciate itt ahhhh!!! =)

Done pretending

Hello.

I'm done pretending to be okay when i'm not.
I'm done plastering a fake smile for everyone.
I'm done laughing hysterically and feeling hopeless and useless deep inside.

I'm not getting better, at all.
I won't be genuinely fine.
Not that soon.

Ok bye. Don't take drugs. -.-

scars on my face

dear world,


thank you for all the kind words and encouragements. i'm not perfectly alright but i guess, i am okay and will heal in time to come. i'm not mad at anybody, i don't hate anybody, i'm not ignoring anyone. i just need some space to myself. space for me to search for my own self. i promise i'll be back when i'm feeling better and hyper. in the meantime, all of you continue living your lives as they were. i swear i love you guys okay.

with much love and sincerity,
Ramizah Ibrahim

I have shut enough

You know, i don't complain for a small matter.
You know, i am willing to accept it though it's not my fault.
You know being the last child in the family doesn't make me the luckiest-pampered-small-baby.
Well, it has always been the opposite for me.
I tried to make everyone happy by giving in to whatever they asked for.
I tried so hard that sometimes i feel bad for being a hypocrite.
Till this very moment, i feel that i think too much (just like what faizal always said) and i should loose up a bit.

First, i don't get those family bond kind of love.
My family don't sit together to have lunch or dinner together.
My family don't go out on weekends together. (&the only time we go out together would be to nenek's hs during raya)
My family don't ask abt each other's well being let alone wish for birthdays.
My family just do our business. All alone.
Last few years, i was still an immature kid to understand what a family should be doing, how a family bond should feel and how a family would look like.
All i know, i had family bonding when i was a kid .. but not with my own family; with my cousins' family.
Now that i am 18 years old, i am pretty sure i am old enough to understand all that.
I feel ashamed. I feel embarassed.

I desperately need my own family bonding, gathering, dinner together.
I think i am done pretending to be strong and faking all my smiles just to show the world how happy i am. I am tired of ignoring questions if i was okayy cos the fact is, i am not.
Despite being the last child and being the only daughter in this family, i don't feel that way. I feel like the eldest child and the only son in this family. It's totally the opposite.
Since the start of my education life, i have been forced to work so hard just so i could make the family proud.
I always get reminded to perform well not for my own good but because of my family's expectations.
I was always reprimanded for not being able to reach the family's goals.
I was always made a stranger at home if i did disobey any of their rules and regulations.


Apart from performing well in education, i had to carry out a very big role at home and almost everywhere. I had to be the guy in the house (other than dad) to fix things that needs to be repaired.
I had to think of a perfect solution which will not harm anyone in the house.
I was the only one who had to give in when the step sister wanted to stay over for almost a year.
I had to surrender my room.
I had to surrender my belongings.
I had to surrender almost everything.
I was forever ignored when i talked abt my personal life to any one of my siblings.
I was never allowed to talk to guys/boys at home. It's like a Haram thing.
I was always made to stay in the room when i wanted a movie marathon together.
I had to keep every thoughts i had to myself.
I couldn't make any decisions for myself.
Even when entering poly, i was made to choose a business course.
I couldn't even voice out my opinion.
&to think of it, i have ignored all that for the past 18 years.

I ignored a question that was brought up to me one fine day by someone related to me, "what if you find out that you are just a foster kid?" and till now, i still cannot believe that same person said i am being pampered by my mother.
Now, which part of pampered does she not understand?
Sigh.

Now that i have ignored all that for a fat 18 years, i can call myself a good ignorant and hypocrite. How abt that?
I will let nature take its course cause that will only allow me to settle slowly.
I won't bother if people keep telling me that i think too much.
I won't bother if people keep telling me that i should be changing myself before complaining.
I am tired of trying to find my own flaws cause i have done that for 18 years and i am done with it.
It's so difficult. In fact, it has never been easy.
I really hope something good will come out of this. I really hope faizal's words could make me feel better.

If not, can you people at least do me a favour and tell me what in the world is wrong with me and why am i behaving this way..?