M.F.B.M., i miss you so.

Sometimes you feel like going with the flow but something tells you that you need to be firm. Sometimes you feel like making a firm decision but going against nature is very challenging. Sometimes you don't know which is which. After all that has happenend, haven't i just gone through enough? I rarely say this but 2008 has been testing my patience since the start of the year. Now tell me where did I go wrong?

The one who abandoned me for my best friend back then

I don't know what made you come back but it was rather hard to accept you initially. I don't get it when you turn to be so posessive towards me and not allowing me to do this and that. If you say i'm showing you some kind of attitude, then you might be right but it's only because you are showing me one too. I really hope that it's just a matter of time that you realise what you've done to hurt me in the past has been nothing but just my past and i'm not at all taking a revenge. Stop behaving that way because i'm disgusted with it.

The one who has been patiently waiting for years

I know i've been very ignorant these few years and have yet to give you a definite answer for it. I'm afraid that further steps will destroy our friendship. I'm grateful that you are the one who have been there for me, rushing to be by my side and seeing me in my worst condition and laughing along with me while i am at my most active mode cos i seldom do that to anyone else.

The one who is considered bad and sweet all at the same time

They say you're equally bad, they say you're insincere but i know i shouldn't listen to them at all. The moment you sent me that text message, i know it already means something. I wasn't trying to play ignorant yet again but i just didn't know how to react to it. Maybe it's too early to speak but i am sure of what i have in mind. You can still go around flagging the taxi for me and being so sweet that even my cousin can jump up and down for a few minutes in front of her bf while exclaiming, "how sweet!!" but let's bear this in our mind, friends forever okay?

The one who thought i was insincere

I know we've been friends for 9 months and i know i've not been a good friend since day one. Still, i do appreciate our friendship. Just give me time to gather all the courage and i'll be more than happy to face you. For now, break missed calls are and random texts are fine with me.

The one who thought i am not serious

When you started a conversation with me late last month, i was rather uninterested because of the way you approached me. Now that we've started it all over again, it feels great to at least know you. It's weird to know that you're such a psychic to know everything about the things i'm going through but it feels kinda relieved to hear your advices. I'm sorry that i don't seem serious abt our friendship but i'm just so confused right now.

It sucks.

Mari kita pindah randah!

You wouldn't believe this!! Nurul Fathin Aida and her family are moving to another house. Yes yes, again!!! Even when she informed me about it a few months back, i was already very shocked. For this 7 years that we've known each other, she has already moved house once and this being the second one. In total, she has actually moved for six times!!

For this 18 years im alive,my family has never moved house. They used to move house twice before that i think. As a kid, i wondered why there is a need to move house but now that i've grown up, i finally understand the motive behind it. How exactly is the feeling of moving house eyy? She always complain that it's tiring. Well, that is only for her case because it's been 6 times! HAHA.



Anyway, just like 3 years ago, I helped her in choosing the necessary belongings to be kept, disposing the uneccesary stuff, packing the things she wanted to keep and keep it in a box. The normal things you do when you move house. The last time i helped her, she had a set of things which she threw away. I think ah, if i were to sell to the karung guni man, she can be very rich and buy me all the clothes that i have been eyeing it online. That girl ahh, some of the things that she have in her room, i've never ever seen her wearing it at all. Somtimes, she doesn't know that she even own them. Tsk tsk tsk. Astaga.

She knows i can't stand the messiness and also keeping those unecessary things because it only means taking up a lot of space in the room. So, she brought me home that day just so i could help her once again.

You wouldn't believe it if i were to say that she got a very big bag full of sanitary pads, packets of tissues and also accessories. That is equal to three big bags! &while we were looking through her wardrobe, she chose the clothes that she won't be wearing anymore. So guess how many bags did it end up with? I can't really recall but i think it was 3 or 4!! So we decided to give it to someone because most of the shirts, dresses, baju kurung and skirts are all in very good condition.



Now, her room sungguh licin and clean because i threw away the unwanted ones and gave away the good ones and packed the ones she wanted in the boxes. Ahhhhhhh, that's better. &i wouldn't be surprised that after she has moved into the new house, she will decide to throw away some more things. Yeah, that's my N.F.A. Hahahaha!


Very sleeeepppy you know! *Yawns*

Fads the Boncit Apek

The last time the four of us went out for a real date was for Fathin's Birthday, back in February, and the last time the whole four of us met was the outing we had with puteraPUTERI sometime in May. That is bad. Really really bad considering that we used to meet quite often during our early days of entering the Tertiary Education.

It was Iffah's birthday and no matter how busy we girls were, we made sure we spent the special day with her. And Edel, sorry that we didn't ask you along cos it was quite of a rushing plan.

Fathin willingly volunteered to be the chauffer for the day so it could be easy for us to travel further and be back quite late. These past few days, she become so rajin already. Kept wanting to send me back home.


Hajar forever planned to dissapoint Iffah for forgetting about her birthday totally... Wait, i think she did that for my birthday also last year. HAHA. I think you ran out of ideas already la beb. That's why i say for my birthday this year, no need surprises; give me a lot of presents good enough alrdy. HAHAHAHAHAHA!!! Anyway, the birthday girl was really dissapointed because she had to remind Hajar about it. Hahaha, poor girl.


What was i supposed to do? I had to plan about where we should go, the things we should do and etc. Basically, the normal things that i usually do. Aper lagik kann.


I wanted to make it very special for her so I even went to the extent of decorating the car with all the sitcky notes with the wishes for the birthday girl.

We picked up the birthday girl at the busstop near her house and when she saw Hajar, she almost fainted because she mati mati thought that girl really ditched her for work. HAHA!! We headed for Lagoon to dine where the three of us were all very hungry cos we starved ourselves just so we could eat with the birthday girl. Sweet kan kiter.



Mccafe was next in the list because the birthday girl wanted to get her free drink and the mccafe girl, hajar(she's just too obsessed with the drinks) to get our discounted drinks too. After which, it was mount faber because they rejected a few of my brilliant ideas to visit a few places. So .. that was the virgin trip for hajar. "eh pernah pergi Genting tak?" "Of course ahh!" Hahaha, like finally!










Sat by the benches for a couple of hours admiring the night scenery, teasing and giggling at each other... by then, it was already very late so we headed back home listening to the jiwang songs that was played in the car.


Iffah, we hope you love the little presents we have for you. Our budget are really very tight this month so we hope you understand okayy. That's why i say, if u enter NIE alrdy, don't ever forget us, especially me. The rest of them very rich except for me.

Today, all my group members very perangai because they left me here, in this super cold major project room, to continue our major project while one of them besarkan their pantat at home and the other don't know go where. But i'm not even piss because this past few days, i've been really happy for no apparent reason. Small little things like having small talk with Fadhil can make me smile more. Thay boy ah, he forever call me by my full name. I was walking to the entrance of AS/IIT when i heard someone calling for my name loudly. When i looked up, it was that apek happily walking towards my direction holding an ice cream cone on his right hand.

"Kau saket eh?"

"Tak ah. asal?"

"Abih muke pucat jer...then cam sedih gitu."

"Ape sajerrr.. Kau dahbes keje?"
Still licking his ice cream, "a ahh!"

"Patutlah happy semcm. Tak fairrr."

Very apek betol dgn his bermudas, slippers, tshirt and muke apek. LOL! But he Apek yg sungguh weird. He rather have his attachment in school rather than in some company. I think he is really very rich because everyone rushing to work outside to earn money but he die die wanted to work in school. Kayer sungguh that apek!

When we became rich for one day

We have been too pokai for far too long.

I have been craving for waffle ice cream eons ago. Today, Fathin was sweet enough to plan for a dessert date with our special someone after my project meeting. The initial plan was to go for BBQ Chicken too but it was cancelled because she said we can go there some other day.

So when it involves waffles and ice cream, what does it mean?

G - E - L - A - R - E of course!!

It was quite difficult having them to decide on which type of waffle and the flavour to go along with the waffle because they are all fickle minded people who are very gelojoh, if possible want to have all of them. HAHA.

Different case for me because everyone knows i will always stick to the things that i love and so, it was cookies and cream for me! So what if i never ever make a change or if i'm that boring. As long as it is very yummmmmylicious and mintak ampun sedapnyer, i am that happy happy girl already! =)

My mood was really good that i was smiling the whole day. It must have been really good that i decided to play rich and treat Fathin and the two sweetloves. Aww, and you guys are so much welcome because i don't mind treating korg often if it means making you guys smile all day long. But then, provided i got the money la kan because i am not rich everyday hor.

With great company for the silly jokes, very loud laughters and interesting plans for the coming event to go along with the delicious dessert, what more could i ever ask for?

Practically, nothing!

Even if we end up having a bulging stomach and mine being the biggest of them all, we don't really mind because it's about the quality time we spent with each other which can plaster a very wide smile on the face.

Killing nightmare

18th July 2008, it was near to midnight.
That's when the news that i expected came.

It came too soon, not as i expected it to be.
I didnt have the time to prepare for everything.
I could barely react to the news.
How could i ever react?
How should i ever react?

I wanted to breakdown but i couldn't even shed a drop of tear.
I badly needed to cry cos at least it would make me feel better.. but sadly, i failed.

It's true what people said.
When you are at your lowest point of your life, there is only one thing in mind.
& that is to end everything.
I don't know what made me decide that.

All i knew was, I felt alone with no other soul to comfort and assure me that this is just another test, that things will be fine..
and that everything will end soon.

How could it come this fast?

I could hear nothing except my breath.
I was breathing out loud.
My heart was chasing my breath.
I tried to catch my breath which seems so far away.

I looked down and realized all I could see was tiny cars and roads.
Everything seemed to be at a distant.
I just wanted to be down there like in a matter of seconds.
I wanted to end everything. Fast.
I looked at the sky which seems so near me. I know this will be the last time I’ll be seeing one of the most beautiful things HE created.

I closed my eyes with my muscles tensed.
I could feel the metal railing piercing through my skin.
I took a deep, deep breath.
Suddenly, my mom’s face started to appear so clearly.
“I’m sorry mother. I’m sorry bapak. I can’t face it anymore.”
I loosen up my muscles, all ready to go.

Suddenly, my hands felt like it was going to break any moment.
I turned to see a pair of eyes staring deep into mine.
I just wanted to run away.

Dear Aizat,
you're one kind soul to ever save me from all the shits. A stranger who knows nothing about me but cares a lot for someone's life. I don't know what i was thinking to make me resort to that. When you slowly explained to me the things all set for me, i finally came down on my knees, crying. I was relieved that i could finally cry like usual. At the same time, I felt rather stupid to even notice everything that was standing before me. Really stupid. I wanna thank you for all the encouraging words and the stern look you gave. It has really made me see everything from a different point of view. I really wish this won't last because i've been trying to remind myself of the things you said to me. Thank you for the time you spent on me despite having so much errands to run. You will always be in my heart and prayer. Keep in touch okay? =)

Breathless.

Taken from my bitchy lesbian partner's blog..

"My dearest bitchy babe preciousanecdotes..

I know it is so hard for you to do what you have to do.and i know it sucks badly cos you still love him.. but there is just some things in life which we cant force. Maybe we just have to follow the flow of the people around us or maybe we should just follow the path that ALLAH has created for us. I'm sure HE is just giving you a test now and if you can withstand what he has given you now, i'm sure he will make your future path so colourful, even i will get jealous. Remember that i'm always here for you, just like those time i needed someone to talk to badly. I dont care if our parents think we are lesbians(?!). Just call me in the middle of the night and i will talk to you if you needed somebody, okay sweetlove?

Had a blast time with everyone today...one more durian feast can? So that i can burp in mizahh's face!"

Thanks babe. It's just so hard for me to even breathe now. HELP PLEASE?

I was never good with words.

Nizam asked if there are any happening things that happened?

Well, other than we had to wait for more than 2 hours !!! before we could take our FICS test and how badly i've screwed it up ..everything seems okayyy.

Tmr, someone is turning nineteen and i bet everyone is excited about it because late night supper + Car Ride + US + Birthday celebration will only equate to so much fun! We shall go get ready for the fun yaw! Wheeee!!!

http://amazingbuttrue.com/nfa

This girl here, nowadays, very weird.

If you know her, she's nauzubillah nyer lazy to the max, fussy and anything along that line.

But the past few days, she's been the simple girl who is not fussy at all.

Amazing but true.

I told her i wanted to walk to the interchange from school and she agreed to accompany me.

I told her i wanted to walk from the 15 busstop to her house and she agreed again.

She even came to school just to fetch me after i finished doing my major project.

The second day she came, she came along with something weird..

Yeahh, that bag.

No one thought she would use that bag, ever.
It's just so unlike her, really.

On that very day, everyone was asking her how she end up using that bag and why she is soooooo weird these days.

HAHAHA.

&One more thing, she's the kind who hates last minute plans.

But today, she asked me out at the very last minute to accompany her break her fast.

Sungguh weird dot com betol!

Me, being the nice and kind girlfriend, accompanied her to fill her crave for MR Teh Tarik's food.

Thanks for the treat hor!

My friend and I; we wanted to catch a movie since the last one i watched was Congkak which was quite long ago. We were contemplating between Wanted, Hancock, It's a girl boy thing and a few others when he saw a title on the screen.

"Hindustan! Nak tgk?"

"Wah, bile part i tgk hindustan online, u bising mcm nak rak. Then now nak tgk hindustan. Sembrg je tu hindustan, criter Thai la tu!"

"Ape je. Dgr2 Thai title cam gitu."

"Dah dah, jgn nak merepek. We'll stick with Wanted je."

So we were walking to the theatre when he saw the poster...

"Alaaaaaaaaaaaakan!! I dah ckp hindustan, u tk percaye!"

"Hahahah. Sorry ah. I tk tgk pun name citer die in the first place. Next time la, okay?"

At this point of time, i wasn't only trying to convince him. It was more to coaxing myself also that i will really catch it some day because hindustan la seh, i wouldn't wanna miss it.

With his very serious tone,

"Tk kesah ah, Monday after school we go watch."

"Okay, my treat then."

So as promised, we went to catch that movie.

I would rate it 3.5/5!

It's fairytale-like, suitable for children.. Humours here and there .. Touching and sweet everywhere..Romantic only at some parts. If you get what i mean. nyehs!

But still .. I'll be willing to watch it again. This time, your treat okay? LOLS!

School school and more school.

School has been such a bore. As contradicting as it may sound, i'm trying my best to enjoy school like how a kindergarten kid gets hyper mentioning about going to school. Why? Because i know, in a matter of time, i won't get to enjoy the free and easy schedule where i can skip to srisun to have lunch with a friend and return only an hour later to continue with my work, sidetracked a bit while doing the work or even begged the group leader for an early release just to meet that friend again.

In a matter of time, major project will be over and attachment will start and by that time, i can say goodbye to freedom because no uneccessary MCs or leave can be taken because that will only mean one thing; failing my SIP. buat kelakelakelakar kepe.

Putting major project aside, the cousins and I are super excited plus nervous plus kanchong plus plus plus ah. We received a news from an elderly hahaha siiiakk, our older cousin i mean, informing us about a competition and they somehow motivated us to join just to try our luck ..

I was a bit reluctant to join at first pasal yela, aku kan kononnyer nak step concentrate on my major projects and because, i am one pemalas girl to edit pasal it is so leceh and also because like if we really take part, step we can win jerr. Then, the other cousins kept pestering and bugging me to agree so yea, we did participate anyway(but i have yet to print and complete the multiple forms hehehe).

So you can say for this two months, we will be very busy rushing here and there for the shooting and searching high and low for suitable locations.

&i just thought after the previous project we did involving someone's birthday that took us 3 whole months, would be our last project. Sighhh. Tiring...

Anywaywayway, khaii is out of town. He's probably having so much fun in Bangkok. Okay, maybe not. Knowing that he went there for some study trip, i know he must have a lot of work to do. Poor boy. I feel bad that i didn't get to reply to his message the other night because i was already asleep and when i woke up the next morning, he's probably reached Bangkok. LOL! Sorry k, beb?

BB so sweet!

It feels so goooooooood to be back. Chey chey! Bebual macam baru balek holiday gitu. Alaaa, kasik chance siket ah, dah lame seh tk gi holiday. Hehehehe.

Hmm, so where do i start? It's been a week plus and yes, i do have a lot to share but i don't know where to begin. Sheesh, i sound like as if it's my first time blogging. Tsk tsk!

Kk, i'll be back with and will still be the boring blogger with her boring story and boring entry. Do visit often okay. Eh, unique siket ahh. Nak exciting stories only. Make a change la okay, visit a boring blog of a boring person who types out a boring story in her boring entry.

Sumpah aku dah merepek skrg.

I don't know if it's because i'm sleepy or simply because bb just called a few moments ago and though we could only talk for a few minutes, it was the best talk ever after some time.

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH, stop it mizah. What a pathetic entry for a comeback.

Siaaaaaakkeens betol !!

Chao!