What's left for me?

What is the meaning of all this?
Why must i be the victim in their trick?
Is this how u want my life to be like?
I understand your good intentions but..
Imagine if you didn't suggest that plan.
Maybe it would not make me hope so much.
No, i'm not blaming you.
I'm not mad at you either.
I promise not to be angry, remember?


Now that you've told me this, it's getting more complicated than ever.
Is there anything else that you're keeping from me?
Is ther anymore tricks, secrets or whatsoever that i don't know?


One last and final question; Why must both of you do this to me?
Is it not enough seeing me suffering alone and bearing the pain that it has caused me?
What more do you want?
Do you expect me to fall down on my knees and begging you not to play with my life?
Is that what you've been waiting for all these while?


Mat c0ol!! I really need you now. There's a whole lot of problem here. I really hope you're not involved too. Hopefully.


I won't say that my world is crashing down of me. It's more than that okehh. Seriously, i don't know what my feelings are right now. It may be a small matter but i just can't believe it that you were involved in this "drama".

RUINED.

BROKEN.

SHATTERED.

=X

S.O.S.

Take my hand and hold on it tight.
Guide me thru on this road.
I'm not sure which choice to choose.

All the choices have their own risk.

But..

I really have to choose one.

Bebeh, u decide for me.

Okay?

Thanks.

For now, let's just enjoy my sungguhtaksenonoh face.

This is what happens when we get bored during test. Even the teachers just couldn't be bothered. Hah!

p.s: Hey mat c0ol, enjoy ur prom nite. I'm really sorry for showing u that kind of attitude that day. Forgive me kays?

"Boost me up not tear me down."

Bad girl.

Early this morning, i experienced a very serious and a dejavukind of situation. Bebeh, naqiah and i was in the elevator together with a guy. The guy was beside me while bebeh and naqiah was in front; near the door. After a few moments, i realised something disturbing which really made me wanna shout for the elevator door to spread wide open and let me run anywhere but not near that elevator. Maybe some of you who knows what happened last two months may get what i'm trying to say. It's really killing me, i tell you. I thank god that the elevator didn't stop at almost all the levels like it always do. Today, or rather, this morning, it went all straight up to level 6. Phew!

When i went out of the elevator, i told bebeh bout it. N i couldn't believe it that she just laughed. Was it some kind of joke that i told her? Obviously, no! Okay, maybe i was too paranoid but trust me, if u went thru that situation before, u wouldn't want it to ever happen. EVER! To think of it, it's kind of silly cos 'that thing' wun happen cos i'm in school and it's considered safe. But then, it's better to be cautious rather than..u know what i mean, people.

Baby it's just some thought.

Everyday, I try to play another game
But my heart can't take it.
I try to find, another boy
But all the while, I can't face it.
Why do I miss you so much?
I wanna stop this hurt inside.
Oh baby please, give us one more try.
I see you out with all your friends

Laughing it up as you pretend.
To have a good timeI know cause I'm living the same life
So one of us has got to say
We can't keep living this same way
So I'll be the one
Baby Come back to me
In my heart I still believe
We were meant to be

Together so whatever it takes
Baby come back to me
I should have never set you free
My baby
I wanna call, but then I stall
Cause after all, I just couldn't take it.
Cause if your play was to push me away
You know that day, my heart you'd break it
I know we made a mistake
Can't you stop your foolish pride.
And come back to me

♥♥♥

Why guys behave that way...

I was browsing thru and looking for something when i came across this thing. I read and read and find it quite true.

Just wanna share with the girls why suddenly he don't call anymore?
The real reason he stopped..CALLING.

It happens suddenly without any warning: Your relationship is humming along and you re finally starting to really see a future with this guy, when thud! He is gone so fast there is no time to say, what just went wrong? Honestly, even if the guy was man enough to deliver some sort of explanation, you probably cant take it at face value. If you really want to know what happened, read on for the real reasons men stage their escape and how you can help prevent this from happening to you again.

Reason #1: He assumes you're dying to settle down (even if you're not)After a few months, men often sense that the woman is interested in something more, explains Warren Farrell, Ph.D., author of Why Men Are the Way They Are. Even if you arent dying to solidify your relationship, he may just assume thats the case based on past experiences. So unless you make it crystal clear that you re fine keeping things casual, he starts feeling the walls close in: Gone are the days when it's fine for him to date other people or go out with the guys without asking you first. This perceived lack of freedom puts many men on edge, convincing them to make the leap back into singledom.

Reason #2: He does want to get serious but youre not Mrs. RightIt's true: Lots of guys aren't commitment-shy and are truly looking to settle down. And if you've been dating awhile, by now your conversations have shifted from superficial topics (like, say, how much he likes your butt) to more meaningful matters like, say, your views are on marriage and kids. Its about this time that a man begins to discover what values that What woman has vs. what he has, says Farrell. And maybe he's discovered some major differences: You might begin to talk about your dreams of moving to the country, while he is all about city life. Or he might be looking to start a family, while you're focused on your career. Once these priorities become apparent, they can convince a guy to cut ties if he thinks you're incompatible. Think of the bright side: He probably just came to the same conclusion you would have eventually.

Reason #3: You've gone from cool to accusatoryIn the beginning of the relationship, it's easy to let small infractions slide. For example, maybe he was 10 minutes late to a date due to traffic or didn't call one night when he said he would. At this early stage, it's easy to say, No problem! I know traffic can be unpredictable at this hour or Dont worry, I know work can get busy. But as things get more serious, your mellow attitude can transform into the very thing men dread: Indications that you're disappointed, or annoyed, or angry about the very things you once took in stride. When she calls to say stuff like ,How come I haven't heard from you in a while? thats when I get close to the eject button, admits Rob Frankel, 48. We're not saying you should just smile and accept bad behavior, but give your guy the same slack you give your friends and family, and he won't feel like the long leash you once gave him is getting shorter and shorter.

Reason #4: He's addicted to the thrill of the chaseCall it immature (because it is), but some men really just love the pursuit. Nevin Jenkins, 32, typically looks for the exit ramp when he realizes the relationship is no longer a challenge. Once I proved to myself that I could sleep with her and be with her, I wasn't interested anymore, he admits.I was in love with the chase, not the person.Inside tip on spotting (and avoiding) these cads: At every turn, they'll be pulling all the stops to convince you to acquiesce to things youre not quite ready to do, from your first kiss to a whirlwind weekend away together. If you feel uncomfortable stating any reservations or putting on the brakes, that could be a sign youre uncomfortable with him. Consider yourself warned.

Reason #5: You ve gotten comfortable too comfortableSure, it's great to get to the point in a relationship when you're no longer being painfully polite or self-conscious. But that doesn't mean he wants you acting so comfortable it feels like he's hanging with his college roommate, either. After a few months, a woman lets down her guard and shows us more of who she really is, says Zachary M.C. Harris, author of The Men's Dump Survival Guide. Dont worry, this is usually a good thing but there are times you will want to be careful. Have you slid from appearing on dates all dolled up to baggy jeans, sweatshirts, and granny panties? Are you griping about your indigestion, cramps, or what your shrink said during your last session? These, dear ladies, are mood-killers and you gain nothing from telling him about these things at any point in a relationship. Keeping a little romance and mystery in a relationship is something that will never work against you.

There you have it. I don't know if it's totally true cos i'm not a guy, for god's sake. Heh. If you want to know, maybe we should ask the guyfrens instead? Yea. K go~

When the best fren called.

*Hello?*

*Hello.*

(silence for a few seconds)

*uh hmm?*

*uh hmm*

*err, yah?*

*err, yah.*

(dang, who is this? the voice sound so familiar)

*Who is it?*

(silence again)

*----- laa*

*lerr, damn you!*

For once i thought it was that little boy. No, i wasn't hoping for his call but then the voice was somehow totally the same larr. When i thought it was him, i questioned myself, wth does he wants? Haha. But then, it was someone else. LOL.

Talked for an hour or so and i couldn't continue anymore. My eyes are already shutting so before my mouth shuts, i better end the conversation. Anyway, thanks for cheering me up! =))

Today, went jogging with elenda. At first, wanted to go to bedok reservoir but then change plan to tampines stadium. After a while, it rained so we stopped but it was still okay since we ran like 4 rounds. Good enough watt. After that, went to shower and headed to parkway. Went shopping for a while and then watched the kids central show. I was so excited waiting for the cartoons to come on stage. Like hello! Macam budak kecik seh. Haha.

Now, i already have muscle ache. Haix. Have been exercising and stuffs but still got muscle ache. Dang!

"This could be the start of something new. "

LOL!

Today must be my most hilarious cum silly day. I was late for school by 5 minutes and when i walked into the room, everyone was already preparing for their presentation. Then i looked and realised that none of my group members was there. So i sat waiting for them for almost 5 minutes. Only then i realise, one of my group member was preparing and reading the slides again. Haha.

I was so nervous to do the presentation. Yes, i do have stage fright and whatever that has got to do with presenting in front of a crowd. While i was presenting, one of the group members said something and that made me laugh. Thank goodness, i didn't laugh out loud.

While the other group member was doing the presentation, i sat at one corner and guess what? Aini stepped on my feet and i swear, she's so heavy lorr. The next minute, i can't move my leg. Yes, the whole leg and all i did was laugh.

Next, when the other group was presenting, john accidentally went over my feet with the chair and i was like screaming. Oh god, imagine a chair being rolled over your feet. The funny thing was that, my sandal terputus. Kaooo, malu sakk. So, i made the boys fix my sandal and of course, everyone thought i was crying and so mad with them. Nyehnyehnyeh.

After school, went to TM with bebeh to get something. Then, we went to one of the shops. The uncle wanted to show me the things he was selling and he made me do it myself. Like, i'm supposed to unzip and zip everything back. Like hello, i'm not one of ur staff so dun let me do the work. U're supposed to show me not let me do it myself.

Whoa. I think this is the most hilarious one. We were taking the escalator down and bebeh was as usual talking non stop. Haha. I was looking around when i realised something funny. I told bebeh to look at that place and asked her to spot the common things. N yes! She got it right. Starhub shop was full with people and most of the customers were wearing green. Starhub's main colour is green rite? N yea, the customers are wearing green not the workers. N what makes it funnier was that, bebeh said that the customers were wearing green in order to get discounts. Like, bebeh, are you sure u're sane? I think u're not.

LOL.

"I confused my feelings with the truth."

Oh god. Help me.

Wooot. Feeling so rejuvenated after exercising just now. No, i didn't go alone. With mother of course. Heh. THEN! The neighbour saw and gave me 10 bucks! Lol. *Good2..Keep exercising okayy* Nyehnyehnyehnyeh.

After school today, had to stay back to complete the CORE project cos tomorrow we will be doing the presentation. Before that, we had lunch and john and jen was telling some jokes. However, i didn't know why my brain was so lagging that i didn't catch the joke that they were trying to convey.

*what?huh?so?*
*woi!why are you so slow today?*
*err, i seriously dun get it*
*what's wrong with you? yest was comp hang. today ur brain is lagging*
LOL.
Jen suddenly reminded me of yesterday's silly thing. I was talking and suddenly my mind went blank.
*Once..once..once..*
*Once what?*
*HAHA. I forgot what i wanted to say*
Like, what's wrong with me nowadays? Is it bcos i'm too tired or there's something else disturbing me? I think the latter part it is.

"Jauh dilubuk hatiku, masih terukir namamu."

SHORT. SHORT. MAKE ME GROW TALLER!

I didn't know being short could create so much laughter, jokes and entertainment. I don't know if i should be glad or frustated with it.

I was having OOPG lab at level 7 when Mr mark was trying to explain the condition to the rest who don't understand. So, i took the chance to print some notes. Then i realised..the printer is so high on the cabinet.

*dang! level 7 printer is so high. i can't see the screen*
*Eugene! Quick help me.*
*HAHA. U want me to carry you?*
*OH stop it. Just help me quick*
Then, mark came..
*Aiyo. Can or not katek?*

WHAT!! HE called me katek? Wahh, u're an australian la dude. How come u know the word katek? Haix.

Anyway, the printers at level 7 are all very high larr not because i'm too short. Haha. I prefer the printers at level 3 the best lorr.

Oh, i need some growing supplement laa. LOL.

Bebeh.

Easy said than done.

You don't know what we went through.

You wouldn't want to know.

It's so awful.

Things are over,

but i still think i've got issues with it.

It's not easy left hanging wihout a specific answer.

Don't go around hurting my bebeh.

Don't let her hear all those awful words.

We know you said it because you were angry,

but please, just control it.

She's had enough.

For once, listen to her explanations.

PLEASE.

Can u hurt me instead of her?

Pretty please.

=X

Uh-oh

Uh-oh.

Did i create any parties to feel guilty or mad with my post on 13 nov?

If i did, i'm really sorry.

My only intention of writing that post was because i remembered My first year anniversary. and just to remind myself the things that i've went through.

That's all.

However, someone thought i wanted to blame him for everything that has happened.

It's not true.

To that boy who tagged..

I wun want to blame u. it's so not right.

U mentioned bout the 7 mths right?

Like hello, i didn't even mention bout it seh in my entry. Did i?

Anyway, since u've mentioned it, i just wanna clarify.

You mean after 7 mths of being togeda, i must face all those shits?

After being so in love and happy with the relationship, WE are supposed to be sad and etc?

Is that what u're tyna say?

If not, then i think u better rephrase ur sentence okeh.

Whatever it is, i've said it but i must say it agian.

It's in the past.

Let's just forget it and move on okay.

Besides, u wun want me to return back to square one and start over with all those shits right?

U're not that cruel, are you?

Oh well, let's just be nice to each other okay.

No more grudges or whatsoever.

Okay?

Deal?

Set?

Friends?

=)

signing off,

ur 1st love, maybe(not). ♥

To that little boy

I forgot to add on.

To that someone who msg me regarding my entry on 13/11,

i didn't mean to make u feel bad or guilty.

It's just that i'm err..recalling the past?

Dun mind me, maybe i was just hallucinating.

Oh well, whatever it is, it's the past alright.

Friends?

Here he goes again.

I thought i won't be posting any entries today since nothing significant happened except for the silly jokes and mistakes that happened during lessons. But then again, someone actually made me wanna type out an entry today. Who else? He's none other than that irritating ex of mine. (dang! i dun feel he's like my ex seh)

Whatever. I was so engross with what i was doing when the nudging sound was heard.

"eh? ish, i'm online? dang! who is it eh?"

*checks msg*

"wth! patch? giler pe?"

The ex asked for a patch. Like wth can. I thought he was attached but how come he's asking for a patch up? I won't agree even if he's not attached, anyway. Being me, i tried to play along with him. I made it as if i'm so excited with it. I asked him loads of questions and made him give me 5 good reasons why he wanted me back.

"i love u."

"i miss u."

"i need u by my side."

WHAT! C'mon boy, u're already 18 going 19. Stop being a primary school kid. Just grow up!

I just "love" entertaining silly people like him and so i put my work on hold. I made the ex played along with my silly questions and made him believe i wanted him back too. But of course, in the end, i gave him a lonnnggggggg nagging speech. In the end, he gave up and gave me a sad fcuked up face. Haix.

Oh well. I've got nothing else to say to make him realise his childish attitudes.

Anyone who knows how to handle him and make him realise, please don't hesitate to inform me.

Just email me at mizahh_89@hotmail.com

Or you can just add me in msn.

=)

1st year anniversary! LOL.

Last year, on this very day..

I received the most shocking news.

A well kn0wn but an unexpected one.

At that point of time, i cried as if there was no tomorrow.

I cried as if i had no one in my life.

I cried till my tears could fill up 5 pails, maybe?

Since that day, i became very weak.

Mentally and physically.

I couldn't focus on my O levels.

Yes, i was having my o levels and the major papers were not over yet.

I didn't had the strength to do my normal routine.

I just thought that was the end of my road.

Of course, at that point of time, i realised who my true frens were.

Fianlly, i know they were khaii, siti hajar and nurul fathin aida. (in random order)

Khaii was there to provide me with all the motivating words and those 'at home' sms.

In case you don't know, my family didn't care much bout me during those times.

So, he was there to accompany me when i'm at home.

Then, there was siti hajar.

She was the one who spent most of her time with me.

She accompanied me when i felt like going out.

N, i mean it.

She even asked me to tag along when she was out with her date.

No, seriously.

Imagine how shagged and weak i was.

Another kind soul was nurul fathin aida.

She was the listening ear and dang! she even critic me.

However, i know all that was to make me realise how far i've went to the wrong side of the road.

After the major exam, i had almost 4 months break.

I went a very pathethic life.

I cried almost every time.

I cried when i'm bathing.

I cried when i'm alone.

I cried being scolded by others.

I cried going back home.

Easy said, i was very sensitive.

Then, there was the auntie and the family.

They let me stay with them for the whole of that 4 months.

Somehow, they could feel the problems that i was going through.

Therefore, i thank them for that.

During that period of time till now, the frens tried..

They wanted me to have "another" life.

They introduced mat siput babi - who was very perfect for me but then, something cropped up.

hisyam - lina's work fren.

Khairul - Rizal's fren.

Nick Fikri - that special someone whom i got to know at work.

Helmi - who was sweet but too old.

Imran- yat's fren.

Within that 4 months, i worked as a sales assistant and had to face a lot of customers.
Very mean customers..
Very demanding customers.
Very fussy customer.
You name it.
I still remember, i cried while serving to the customer.
But when asked the reason, i just showed my fake smile.
I couldn't help it.

To cut it short, i was an idiot for letting my heart taking over my brain and soul.

I was stupid to bring myself down to that extreme.

You were wrong, little boy.

You were wrong in choosing the time to break the news.

Why did you choose when i was having my o levels?

So as not to see me get good grades?

Hell no, you were wronng.

I got good grades and i entered poly life with much ease.

Oh! So much for wanting to concentrate on ur studies, silat and friends.

Yea, as if.

Today, i still couldn't stop thinking bout what happened.

No, not thinking bout u, little boy.

I finally realise ur bad points, ur weaknesses that i couldn't accept.

Even so, i still am confused on why you changed.

What happened to that pampered boy?

What happened to that mommy's boy?

What happened to that boy who cries if he hurt others?

DANG!

I shouldn't be thinking anymore.

I shouldn't be cracking my brain anymore.

There you go.

My today in history.

Enough! Enough! Enough!

P.S: You won't know what and how i went through unless u be RAMIZAH.

[edit]Now i wish myself a happy first year anniversary. LOL.[/edit]

Forgive me.

I'm sorry that the layout l0oks shitty. I'll edit real soon. Erm, at night maybe? I need to dress up now before bebeh screams her lungs out at me. Heh. =)

rewinding-08/09/06

Without me noticing it, it's been 2 months since that "thing" happened.

Yeah, the worst nightmare that a girl can think of.

I still can remember vividly the place, time and of course the things that happened on that day.

I just can't get it off my mind.

Since that day..

everytime i walk al0ne, i tend not to talk on the phone unless there's a need to.

I tend to l0ok around me for any suspicious or unsuspicious person.

I get very frightened when a stranger gets near me.

I tried umpteen times to forget that matter but it keeps haunting me

Tell me, how do i overcome this fear?

I don't wanna even think bout it anymore.

It will just give me goosebumps and i'll cry.

=(

Yet another story from me.

Woke up this morning feeling so sleepy.

Dragged myself to the bathr0om and was still feeling sleepy even after a long bath.

T0ok a much longer time to dress up since most of the clothes have not been washed yet.

Walked to the busstop.

Bus 15 and 197 came.

Took bus 197 to school.

Wait.. come again? 197?

What was i thinking?

Looked at my clothes and realised i was going to school not work.

Dang!

Reached school.

Looked at the timetable.

Lesson at level 7.

Walked to the lift.

But end up walking up the stairs.

Don't ask me what happend next.

Of course, i was panting by the time i reached the class.

Oh dang!

What a silly thin to start the day.(!!!)

PuteraPuteri

I so wanna go home now since i'm having a slight headache and my wrist is sprained but no, i can't. I have to replace alia's place for today and that explains why i'm working full shift today.

I just discovered something. The more i type, the wrist doesn't have to bear the pain that much. So, i shall continue typing though i don't have much to say.

Have i mentioned? I was the organiser for the raya outing with the NASS peeps together with siti hajar. We actually planned it way before raya and that was like.. 2 weeks to raya. Haha! First, i contacted almost everyone from the ngee ann class of 2005 malay pupils and asked them to give me or hajar a reply if they are interested. Then, after a few days, i confirmed the people who are free on any days and choose the day for the outing. Next, i confirmed the people who wanted to go and then planned whose house to go first and follow up. By the time raya was nearing, more people wanted to join in so i had to revise the plan again. When the time comes, 16 people turned up and sure the day was filled with so much fun. I kn0w u guys are cursing me for not showing any picutres yet up till now right. HAHA. I'm not that evil okeh.

First house was my place since i bought zur his birthday cake as a surprise. No. not only zur was surprised. Even the rest except for bebeh and me, of course.

Oh! Since hajar mentioned it in her blog, i shall reply to it then. Hello?! I didn't bought u a cake but at least i bought u a present what?! N u better stop it with the curly wurly "wishful thinking" of yours. It won't happen. Errk. As far as i'm concerned, we have nothing on at all.

Nah..The birthday boy.

*sebok ah fadhil. org nak amek birthday boy je laa*

My two sweeties. Gorgeous babes<3

The girls. Sayang not here since she's the one taking this picture.

So, here's the bride of the day. While waiting for the gr0om..

*wahh. aku ngn bebeh jambu2 gitu kene jadik pengapit*

And when the gr0om comes, the bride merajuk laa. (cos the groom came late)

Dah2. End of story.

Next! The guys..

And last but not least,

everyone.

Sorry. The picture is a bit blur and dark.

I've yet to receive some pics from the others. People! I want the pics laa.

Oh baby you..

Let me share with u a very entertaining conversation between bebeh and me when we went out to eat after our last lesson today.

Bebeh: balek kepade criter tadi.
Me: What? Terbalek kan air kiter? (we were drinking anyway)
Bebeh: Aper kau merepek? Balek nak naek kerete buat pe?
Me: Huh? Aper kau merepek? Kau lagik merepek dari aku.
Bebeh: Aper pulak.. kau yg salah dgr.

HAHAHA. This is what happens most of the time. Both of us are so deaf that we often hear the wrong things. Yeah, it's even that bad when we talk on the phone.

I'm one happy girl as there's no school tmr. Actually, there's school tmr but only CDS lecture for 1 pathetic hour. Besides, the lecture is teaching the things that i've studied in secondary school. Double-entry. So, i made that holiday myself. Heh.

Erm, shaz! U want to see the picture that i edited? Oh anyway, before i show it, dun laugh okay. It looks horrible.

Anyway, hajaROAR!! Guess who i saw just now? *QUICK THINK* MR CHRIS KEESYGANKU! Yes yes, my beloved teacher. HAHA. He saw me tau, siap wave lagik. Of course, he raised his eyebrow( trademark pe!)

I wanna continue chatting with a my ex-secondary mate. Out of a sudden he pm me in msn and i must ask him lotsa questions. Whee~