Spice girls boy

Let’s meet tonight and we’ll hear you sing viva forever again.

So orbit but so cute!

don't like that lea

My lovelies always do this to me.
They jolly well know that I work office hour but they still wanna ask me out.
Some nak go tong seng to satisfy their craving...
some ask me to catch movie together with a couple of them..
while ada yang saje nak sakitkan hati aku lah tu...
Some even had the cheek to ask me to leave work early.
Ape ni korang, don’t make me regret for not taking up that full time shift job can???
Worst, don’t make me cannot sit still at work thinking that I have missed out so much fun can?

Then again, I know it won’t spell much fun without me kan? I know. *flips hair*

*********************************************************

Today is my last day at pasir panjang.
Tomorrow will be my last day at shenton.

How come I am already missing these two places already? Cannot be lea. I hate this feeling of separation. Unbearable.

Suka sekali!

Yesterday’s evening was great to wrap up the holiday. Don't you think so? *Wink manyak manyak wooooooooooooooh*

Professional help, anyone?

The whole of last week was horrible in sense of emotion and the situation. All my life, I have never ever felt very angry, pissed, jealous, vengeful and all that negative feelings at the same time. I felt like strangling myself, I felt like putting poison in everyone’s drink, I wished the worst for all of us and tsk, it was very cruel. The situation was very hard to handle and I hated myself so much. I really don’t know how I ended that way but it was really disgusting, just awful. Whatever symptoms and descriptions they have for major depression disorder, I had all that. For once I wasn’t kidding when I mentioned visiting a specialist. I thought I really need that, no joke.

Loss. Lonely. Empty. Fear.

Nonetheless, something inside me keeps reminding me that I should pull through at least until the end of the week before proceeding to see psychotherapist/psychiatrists. I should count myself lucky because on Friday before meeting my usual cliques for our dear friend’s birthday celebration, I managed to do a miracle to myself and bring myself back to the real world, reality. Besides, if we don’t help ourselves, who would right? It was a close shave to backing out the whole plan because I was afraid I would spoil the whole celebration but I guess I didn’t because everyone was still commenting about my laughter, which was a good start to the good old, me.

Thank god it is over. I wouldn’t wanna face that again. EVER.

Lessons in heartbreak

“Weird, wasn’t it, how a person could be a stranger to you and then, in an instant, become your whole life? How did that happen anyway?”
- Cathy Kelly

If there’s one thing which can be very confusing, it would be our feelings. Maybe it’s just mine.

The strange feeling I have each time you are with me, I think of you, received a text from you – everything that involves you; it just came without any warning. What was that? It felt so right, making me feel like I was the princess enjoying the sparkling bubbles and skipping my way through in my own wonderland. But with the presence of complicated situations in life, destroying the feeling was the only way out. That is very painful.

It’s like you didn’t ask for something but it came. When you have learnt to accept it, you are so unlucky but had to let it go. What’s the point?

Ah I know. So we won’t take things around us for granted. But what about people who got hurt in the process? Isn’t it pitiful that they got hurt because of others’ mistakes? Isn’t it unfair?

So I heard everyone is lucky in their own shade. You will be rewarded if you’re good and have to pay for the price you've done.

Just what is the story behind life actually? Patience? Perseverance? Determination? What do we need to have? All? Can we afford to?

Ya allah, i know you are testing each and everyone of us down here. I believe there are some people who are going through worse than me. I know it is all about going through all your tests and i also know that you are the fairest who will reward us at the end. At least, give me the strength to continue this phase. Don’t keep making me pretend, pretty please.

Tag reply:

HajarAnak Razik: I believe the hajar is hajar anak tahir la babe. i mean, if its nt me, then shud be her!! hahaha!! susah ader byk hajar ni kann.. i tauuu...
Mizahh: Okay bagus! If slalu gini, aku can dpt surat hijau already, korang tau tak?

Serve betol betol bole?

Serve the nation kebabai!

When armyboy constantly debate about serving the nation with me, I am close to giving him a tight slap. In the first place, he should realise that isn’t serving the nation. One, I don’t see the need to guard that place because the company can jolly well hire some professional security guards. Two, this is not even close to serving the nation. This is membabi buta coming up with a place just so the guards’ team has duty. So what if they are guards. At least let them guard something more appropriate than that ridiculous company.

Wait till you read this. Then what about NSmen who are posted to be drivers? It doesn’t matter to me that they are not serving the nation directly. That’s fine but then apa cerita if they report for duty but have nothing to do the whole day? Report for work or report face only? Tu apa cerita, siapa nak enlighten aku?!

So if you were to compare, the guards are really working their wits out, sacrificing their sleep and maybe their own safety to protect the company whereas the drivers? Wah lao, the drivers are so much lucky I must say! Driver here drive there drive people around and then can shake their smelly and ntah muscular ke tak legs. Fair or unfair? Nonsense or make sense? Korang semua conpuse ke apa?

This one really make my blood go up up up and almost nak explode! Ini sudah salah siah hahaha! Bile part salah siah tu kalau budak budak yang sewaktu dengannya nampak, aku can mati liao kene rembat terok. Tapi aku tak takot pasal mataer aku matrep okay! Perangai, I know. This paragraph sungguh tak perlu because it’s like how I always utter nonsense to add on to my stories and kind people like Anoi will only reply ‘ahhhh’ aje. Ape aku merepek sekarang aku pun tak tau. K part ni aku tau semua orang conpuseeeeeeee banget.

Still, please lah eh, when you say serve the nation, please let them have the duty to really serve the nation. Don’t waste time effort and cut the crap can? Not serving at all lor!

Dalam erti kata laen, kepala hotak sama anda!

Abih ni apa cerita sekarang aku kecoh just the same mcm makcik kat pasar bila harga ikan increase. Cuba cakap siket kisah sebenarnya aper? Why like thatttttttt????

abg MAGs

2 days of rotating shift.
1 pathethic off day. (but still have to be on standby! ANOI-ing)

I guess I have to get used to his routine because the armyboy will be so busy “serving the nation” which is of no use, I think. Have to get used to the strong windy sound each time he ring me up. Have to get used to him not hearing me clearly because of the poor reception. Have to get used to book him way early so that he can jot it down in his schedule.

Go on. Tell me this is ending soon. Comes May, it’s another torture because it will be a month of silence. It’s pretty sad that you have to spend the birthday in the dark thick overseas jungle.


That aside, he finally brought me out to get the chapatti which he owed me since last year’s fasting month. Unfortunately, the shop didn’t have that on the menu that day so we roamed over to another place but only to disappoint ourselves again.

He wanted to have some fun so he suggested we played in the rain, got so drenched and then boarded the super duper cold bus. Korang should try that activity some time. It is seriously mintak kena smack kat dahi because we ended up shivering even after we alighted from the bus.
Since he couldn’t get me my chapatti, we went present hunting for the already basi birthday boy where we bought his favourite; cap. The armyboy claimed that he knew the birthday boy’s preference because they share the same taste. I totally disagree but we still bought what he chose though cos only I think it looks nice too!


When we handed the present, the already basi birthday boy was sungguh shy to accept it that he hid behind armyboy. Haha! So cute! Of course, he loved the cap cos first, it is a cap we are talking here and second, his ahbeng taste change to dolmat – rep taste already. What’s happening to these people?

Now who is so baik hati and sungguh mulia to help me send my phone for repair? I really have no time! I have so many things pending just because i have so little time. Tsk!

Tag replies:

hajar: babe.have u heard those who laughs the loudest are the ones having the most problems.to me i think it's a fact.well that's in my case.hmm.lets just take it into stride.kita ni yang da nk masok.. dunia yang lebih besar....haiz....."BEGINILA NASIB HIDUPKU YANG MALANG..." ahahhahah...k aku tgh boring laaaaaaaaa dlm klas
mizahh: tak pernah dgr pun! mane kau dgr ni? sembrg je. haha! anyway, ni hajar mane ni? Aku conpuse la sehh!

close to zero

the one generous with laughters..

the one with loudest laughter..

but how come the one with the littlest happiness?

no respect for others?

too ignorant?

too selfish?

too many wrongdoings?

or think too much?

.. tell me what it is!!!!

Done.

With.

Pretending.

******************************

2 days mc yet again. I am getting bored of this routine where i have to wake up very early not for work but for another visit to the doctors. Today is no exception. It's like the more i visit the doctor, the more health problems will be unveiled. This is so frustrating! VERY!!

The people at work must thought that i am just trying to skip work but please, that wasn't my intention at all. As much as i dread going to work, i still want to be present everyday. That is not possible with the deteriorating health.

Starting of a brand new week, Nizam will never fail to wish me good day at work and it will be without fail that i will not report for work.
Starting of everyday, Fathin will never fail to send me an email at work and it will still be without fail i have to tell her that i am at home resting my very weak body.
Starting of brand new week too, Farin would laugh at me cos it's the end of weekend but too bad for him, it will still be without fail that i laugh at him back cos i got a few days of mc unlike him who have to slog himself. Hah!

One after another.
No wonder i've been falling sick every now and then since the past few weeks.
Now it is another load on my shoulder.
How to handle this?
I don't and i really don't wanna make anyone especially my mother worried.
&that's one of the many things i have in mind which people thought make me think too much.
I wanna make it clear here that i am not thinking of uneccesary matters. This is serious matter we are talking about! Sometimes i just wish for a little happiness which can stick with me while i go the rough phases. Just a tiny bit will do.

But then again.. I wish.

You are fcking re-dho!

Not supposed to think about it. Because that was in the past. Pathetic past.
Not thinking about it. Because I think I am leading a better life now.
But I just can’t stop wondering… what was your actual motive in the very first place?

When you got to know me … what was your motive? – You knew we would click so well and you yourself knew you would go back to her.
When you started treating me more than a friend … what was your motive? You knew you would go back to her. Why must you develop another feeling for us?
When you started being possessive of me … what was your motive? You knew you would still go back to her. Were you even aware that you would hurt me?
When you decided to be in a relationship with me … what was your motive? You knew you would go back to her. Were you trying your luck or playing a fool on yourself?

Did you think I was a cheap girl for you? Did you think I was a stopover for you before going back to her? Did you think you won’t hurt me? Or you thought you were just following your heart? Or you really wanted to cheat my feelings?

What was all that about? What made you think I could be the victim? What made you think I could be the one?! What about me?? Why did you have to choose me?!

Don’t tell me this is all predestined. I know that too well but you know you can do a slight change to that if you avoid things initially or even in the later part. Don’t tell me I am so ridiculous for not believing in fate because I jolly well trust fate more than anything! Don’t you go blaming fate for everything because it all depends on you!

Why do you have to ask about me? You have her now.
Why do you have to be concerned about me? You have her now.
Why do you have to treat me more than a friend? You have her now.
Why do you have to send me those texts? You have her now.
Why do you have to feel sorry for me? You love her.
Why do you have to feel guilty? You love her.

Are you confused? Are you fickle minded? Are you indecisive? Who do you actually needs? What do you actually want?

It isn’t making any sense now! It is all in a big mess! I’m sorry if I seem like blaming you but you know it’s the only right thing to do! Spill everything to me!

Re-dho! I just don’t get it!

LALALA, nama dia

I am back in office. I know there’s a few who missed me while I was gone. *kening naik2*

Yesterday don’t know whose luck was good or bad that the shuttle bus was caught in a traffic jam. Why good? Why bad? Good because it came an hour later and we reached office at 10! I know I am such a good employee who loves skiving. Bad because my back was aching so bad and there was nothing to lean on.

Most of DBS staffs were calling up their bosses to ask if the bus was coming but I was all calmed hearing all their conversations. A guy whom often board the same bus came sat beside me. This one must story full detail but if by any chance he were to find this blog, then I mati liao.

Before that, let me do a brief description so that korang can visualize better. Hahaha perangai babi! He’s very petite, quite fair, small eyes (anoi suke!), has a very very cute smile and one glance, I think he looks like Chinese. Maybe because of his small eyes? That’s about it; I suck at describing lagik tak tau (LTT).

The minute he sat beside me, he turned and asked if I was Malay. With the blur face that I have and the sengau voice that I still have, I said yes to him and quickly turned away. Abih mamat ni tros want to continue the conversation pulak. First he said he thought I was a Filipino (part ni aku mcm nak cekik dia jer) and yes, he can be included to another person who thought I look like one. Then he went on asking my name, my residence... then he paused. I also took the chance to look away again just so he won’t continue the conversation because the cough was the killer this morning. Minutes later, he presented me his name card and this time, I sumpah wanna laugh out loud as it felt like some formal meeting.

That actually took so much time and lets all thank him for making me forget about the fever and backache I was having.

Dah gitu aku pikirkan dahbes. When we walked into the office, yes, he is in the same office with me, tak tau fortunately ke unfortunately, he called for me and asked to call him later. Part gini je aku dah cannot think. Nah, not again!

And up till now, a day later, I have not ring him up and planning not to. Hahaha! Tapi I know manusia manusia like fathin and anoi yang tak pernah fail untuk mendesak will pester me to call him. You girls think I don’t know korang too well kan?

My smashing 19th!

Despite facing such a huge blow the week before, I still had fun with my lovelies! They brought me on cloud nine not only on my birthday, but the whole week itself! I felt so appreciated!

Supposedly, Niraf boystar and some others were to join us but they had last minute work commitments to attend to. At last, there was only the six of us including myself. Even though it wasn't the full squat, it was still as noisy and chaotic. We almost embarassed ourselves in that restaurant. Haha!

We were such freaks because when we mentioned everyone to be properly dressed, all of us dressed the best we could. I think all of them looked so hawt!

We had the usual people who includes the Abg Botak Abg Gondol.


The first surprise he gave me was when he reached with this hair or almost hairless hairstyle.

Then there's another lady who never fail to argue with the botakboy the whole day.. I think they were working out their chemistry.

She came so smart! I thought she wanted to attend some meeting only to find out she was from some school event. LOL!

Another one who never gave up with the 'one' pose..


..who gets very excited for the outing.

Then we also have our abg kerinting (i know he'll be saying "so rude of you.." if he reads this) who showed he was so afraid of heights later on..


and las but not the very least, our one lady who panic too much to plan for the day..


She never stop saying, "Mizah, i'm never good at this. It was always you to do all the thing! Arrggh!"

We had our few hours of must-have eating session while we played 'truth or dare' and sing along session. But before that, the guys surprised me with a birthday cake which plastered a big smile on my face. You can see the drastic change from a tiny smile to a very big smile with teeth when they handed me the cake while singing the birthday song.

So suweeeeet!


Moving on, we wanted to go for dessert somewhere near there but msot of us were full. We went out near the cruise area for fresh air and something caught our attention instantly.


Without wasting any second, all of us rushed (we literally walked briskly) to the counter and up up up we went to the 15th level...

Look at our excited faces! This time all of us still haven't disclose the 'aku sumpah takut' faces.

So what caught all of our attention actually?

.
..
...
..
.
THIS!

Yes, the cable car!!

It was the first time for most of us. Despite the second ride for him, Kamal kept mum the whole time we were in there. He couldn't move even an inch! We tried as much to disturb him and distract him and we managed to do it like for a few seconds, then it was back to him keeping quiet. Sigh..


And in that photo above, is the most he could do. Most of the time, he was reciting all the doas and when we manage to distract him, we would talk about our next fabolous plan.

The other guy in that photo, on the other hand, was so excited looking at the mini sized cars, living creatures and so on from above. That was his countless rides of cable car.


That was lina's second time riding that and we are so proud of her because she was the calmest of us all other than our abg botak.

It was Anoi's first time too and she was the first person to get excited just mentioning about cable car. Once we got in the cabin, okay i shall save her the embarassement.

But the guy next to her, i must must must mention something about him! His reactions very classic! He was very calm among us all, not showing that he was very excited for the ride (though i know he was). When the cabin went out of the building, he was like shrieking and screaming all at the same time. He even asked all of us to relax and calm down when he's one of the few who were so afraid. Hahahaha! He even became the "abg albab" for the day!


But! Still cannot topple your name of Abg Kerinting to all of us. Awwww, you're such a big bro to us other than Kamal. HEHEHEHE!

Don't even ask how i reacted. Because i think i was the lamest among them. I even made the cabin become so solemn for a minute then we burst out laughing. HAHAHAHAH! Perangai re-dho, i know!

Stopped by Mount Faber, our must-go hangout place when we visit Harbourfront, where we feeling2 tourist mautnyer. Reading the histories, talking with some weird accents to the other tourists.


Before we ended the day, we had live telecast wishes just for me in front of the mrt station. Andy and Maman who were very embarrassed because there were insanely large crowds on that day, joined in the fun too! They even had a big hug for me! Suweeeeeeeeeeeeeeeet!



Thanks guys! You guys don't know how much you guys means to me and how happy i was to have you guys on my day. I didn't need all the lavish, i didn't need surprises. I'm sorry that i cried a lil while we were boarding the cable car because i was reminded of someone who wasn't even thinking of me. But i hope you guys had fun cause i sure did! It was the best feeling ever to have spent the day with every single one of you! Thank you for being there for me and thank you for the endless birthday song which you guys sang at all the places we went.


To sparklesBABES and puteraPUTERI who went the extra mile to organise a mini picnic specially for me and Rudy, thank you so much for that. I had fun sharing the food, playing the frisbee game and thank you so much for the presents! Meeting each and everyone of you was already good enough.


Ignore that i look like a maid here. Thank you to Farin who took the time to spend the evening with me, thanks a lot! I know you are such a busy armyboy with only 2 days off but having you to sacrifice the time to find me at that big place was priceless. It was a great idea to come up with that classic game because now we know the truth and yay, we should do it more often so we can blush more! I am so touched you did all the challenges for me. Thank you for the bag too!

Thank a million to all of you including the two strangers who have made my day! I love the simple celebrations! I really do not know how to express my gratitude towards every single one of you but you guys would always be in my prayers. =)

Temperature risin'

Today is the last day of my MC. I am not at all recovering despite having the whole of yesterday to rest. Today, i woke up with a bad backache, high fever and that's not all, i feel weak all over. Supposed to take my medicines now but i am trying to avoid it as much because when i eat it, i feel weaker. But if i don't, my temperature will rise. Sungguh tating u know!

It's even more tating to see my room in such a mess. Since i started working, this place has turned to something so unpleasant to see. No matter how weak i am, i still managed to clean the room, discard some memories and wiped off the dusts. After 3 hours of cleaning, my room is sparkling clean!

... How come i'm losing myself?...

i am still alive

"Cos only yesterday i realised i've lost faith in love."

I know i know it's been so long i last updated and i also know a lot of people miss me and my entries already because everywhere i go and everywhere people see my prettyugly face, they'll say, "update your blog la!" I know la all of you miss me so much kan?

I guess alot of things have happened recently or shoud i say, in the last bits of 2008. Things have been very difficult for me with the never ending family problems which i am so sick of it and my own personal problems. My absence from this humble space is sort of a getaway for me to forget my past and try to find myself back again. I've not recover fully but i know it will be soon that all of you will see me up and running again. Just pray for me okay? I hope it will be pretty soon cos i am so freaking tired of being like this. Whatsmore with the ms reds whom have not visited me for more than a month now. You wouldn't wanna imagine my emotions and feelings all over. It's disastrous!

2009 so far has been very well for me except that i am down with 38 degrees fever, bad sore throat which causes some people to think i sound like ramli sarip (a ah sehh, now i realise i really do sound like him), constant coughing, swollen eyes and difficulty in breathing. Tell me how pathethic is that. But that's okay because i have some people to keep me company while i rest.